Perhaps it's obvious why this was formative. Jess is my first GIRLfriend. I have had quite a few BOYfriends. There is an obvious difference there. Jess is also my first live-in-love, which is a huge change for me. Especially seeing how much I love my alone time.
But Jess is a formative relationship in other (arguably much more important) ways. For one, Jess lived through a really ugly bout of depression with me. I barely wanted to live with myself, and yet she stuck by my side. It wasn't so striking when I was going through it, in fact, I acutally asked her to leave (this will all be detailed in a later post). However, when I look back at that time--how horrible I felt, how gray everything seemed--I am amazed she cared enough to stay. I am amazed I didn't convince her to leave.
Jess has taught me quite a bit about myself. When you are first dating someone new and you care for them so much, it's suddenly easy to find all the reasons you are a terrible partner. You become pre-occupied with your shortcomings and hope they don't figure them out. Jess was the first significant other I've had, though, that I felt comfortable bringing these things up. I could tell her why I was feeling insecure without worrying that she too would see my shortcomings and flee.
Jess is a beautiful human being. She has a heart of gold and is the most loyal and caring friend anyone could ask for. I amazed the lengths she would go to for her friends. She is beyond thoughtful and is always willing to take time for anyone who needs her. Honestly, I can't believe how lucky I am to have her.
And for the first time in my life, I look forward to the idea of getting married. It doesn't scare me or make me wince. Jess knows what she's getting herself into with me, and I appreciate that.
Jess supports me completely in my med school ventures (and all the other things I find myself doing). She doesn't get jealous or mad when I am at work late. When I doubted my abilities she is right there to tell me how incredible/smart/whatever I am. And she means it! Crazy!
Our relationship has been good for my health. I hope it's part of my life for as long as I live. :)